


The First Supper

by Maisie_top_trash



Series: Unseen - Fear Will Lose [29]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Anxiety, Christianity, Depression, F/M, Friieendshippp, High School, M/M, OCD, Panic Attacks, Self Harm, TW - child abuse mentioned, aka gay vibes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-09-19
Packaged: 2018-12-31 16:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12136008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maisie_top_trash/pseuds/Maisie_top_trash
Summary: Only a matter of days after Tyler transfers to Josh's school, his mom insists he invites his new found friends for lunch. It's safe to say that Tyler struggles to cope but finds a little strength from a certain someone.





	The First Supper

Lunch was supposed to be a cold meal on the weekend, so Tyler had been feeling anxious ever since his mom had proposed the idea of a spaghetti Bolognese lunch with all his new friends from his new school. Anxiety made his heart pound and his palms sweat and the itch in his brain intensify when he saw something wasn't the way it was supposed to be. Anxiety made him feel sick and feel faint and feel dumb, and he really really didn't want to do this. However his mom had decided that this was one thing that he couldn't cry his way out of, and insisted that he at least gave it a go.

Even though his new friends, his only friends, seemed really nice, he didn't trust them. He didn't trust anyone, not really. People had the tendency to do things that they wanted to do, whether it be due to lust or greed or pride, and more often than not they chose to do things wrong. Tyler could dictate the distance between the pens he laid on his desk and he could control the number of pennies in his pocket, however he had no influence on other people's actions and that could not only be upsetting but also dangerous.

People sucked, himself included.

To say he was nervous was the understatement of the century, he didn't understand why his mother was so insistent he made friends. He didn't have any friends at his last school and he didn't want any from the new one.

"Tyler be more careful sweetheart, you're going to slip and hurt yourself." Mom warned and he blinked away his scared tears that clouded his vision so that he could see more clearly. The job he was performing was admittedly very delicate and he did need to focus more. Each strand of uncooked spaghetti was 30cm long and that was an evil length, so he measured each individually with a ruler then used a sharp knife to cut them to the new length of 16cm one at a time. 16 was better, 4x4 was better. Safer.

"Tyler,"  
"I'm, I-I'm trying Mom,"  
"I know darling, just, just breathe okay? Breathe." She reminded him and he realised it had been a while since he last gulped a mouthful of the air. He took one to demonstrate he was listening, but one wasn't enough, he had to balance it to four and then had to listen to the disappointed sigh seep from her lips.

"Don't worry so much baby, you're working yourself up into a tizzy again, it's just lunch."  
"If it's just lunch then why can't we just cancel it." He sulked as he added another correct piece to the pile and another 14cm off cutting to a different pile, then started the process again with a new piece.   
"Because we moved house, moved across the city, so that you can make some more friends Ty. This is an opportunity to do exactly that."   
"More implies that I had any to begin with."  
"You did baby, you had friends, you just couldn't see it. And I think that the fact you didn't feel like they were there for you just shows that they-"  
"Mom I don't have friends, stop pretending." He insisted, pretending it didn't hurt him.   
"Well you have friends now and they're going to be here any minute, so are you almost done with this pasta?"  
"No."  
"I'll start cooking what you've done so far." She scooped up both piles and Tyler gasped horrified because she'd ruined everything.

"NO NO NO NO!"  
"Tyler, Tyler shh, sweetheart breathe, calm, I'm sorry, what did I do wrong? Shhh, calm."   
"You messed it all up!" He had to hold back tears as he snatched back the strands from her and hastily began sorting them back into safe 16s and ugly 14s, praying they hadn't been contaminated.

"Tyler, baby, remember that it doesn't matter how long they are."  
"It does matter."  
"Swee-"  
"It does matter." He repeated as he rushed to amend the mistake, a single tear escaping down his cheek.   
"Hola familia, I'm starving, how long till food?" Zack strolled in casually, unaware of the crisis that had just occurred.   
"I'll put the pasta on when Debby and Josh arrive and that should take about 10 minutes to cook, so I'm not sure exactly but not too long." Mom answered.

"K, whatcha doing there Ty?" The brother asked softly, leaning on the counter and looking at him with concern and condescension, but Tyler couldn't meet his eyes because he was too busy comparing spaghetti strand lengths. "Ty?"  
"Zack, would you mind taking him next door to calm down? He's a bit worked up-"  
"I'm not!"  
"Baby, come on, I'll finish this."  
"You won't do it right." He shook his head, making another tear fall.   
"Teach me? The long ones go here and the shorter ones here?" She asked and he nodded as he wiped his cheek. "And which ones do I cook?"  
"Longer."  
"Okay poppet, I'll sort them out whilst you go and sort yourself out with Zack's help."  
"I'm fine,"  
"Come on Ty," Zack put his hand on Tyler's shoulder and he immediately jumped off his chair to escape the physical contact. He hated physical contact. Zack knew he hated physical contact. "Let's go next-" he was cut off by the sounding of the doorbell and Tyler swore he was about to start sobbing. It was all too much, the pasta, the touching, the people, it was all too much.

"Tyler, Tyler look at Momma a sec. Do you want to run up to your bedroom for a minute to calm down?"  
"S'rude."  
"I don't want you to have a panic attack though angel."  
"S'rude, answer the door, they're waiting, they're waiting, they're waiting, they're waiting." Tyler panicked with one hand in his hair. Mom watched him for far too long then nodded and went to the front hall to greet the guests, and Tyler desperately tried to swallow down the urges to cry.

He knew he had to calm down, but the only problem was that he'd never successfully done it in his entire life. Every time he wanted to cry, he cried. There was nothing he could do except obey the voice in his head, and right now the voice was telling him to run.

"Tyler? Hey buddy," he heard Josh say, and turned to face him. His hand dropped from his hair and time seemed to stop momentarily as he allowed his eyes to flick over the boy's face, taking in each and every dimple, then flowing up the natural waves of his dark chocolate hair. The waves were chaotic and nonuniform and usually they were two factors that would take the itch in Tyler's brain and swell it to an itch in his thighs that would only be relieved by stainless steel blades, however Tyler didn't feel like breaking down, instead he felt almost soothed. It was, well, it was a feeling he rarely ever felt since the panic began all those years ago and only ever felt with Josh.

"Hi," he managed to ground himself.   
"You've got a beautiful house, thank you so much for inviting us."  
"Hey darling!" Debby walked into the kitchen too before he could reply, and Mom was following close behind whilst carrying a beautiful bunch of lilies.   
"Hi,"  
"Josh bought us flowers Tyler, wasn't that nice of him?" Mom smiled as she walked over to the sink and placed them down.   
"Very nice, thank you." The host gulped with a small forced smile.

"So Debby, Josh, this is my second eldest son Zack, I'm not sure if you've met yet?" Mom introduced him and they all waved to each other. "My two youngest, Maddy and Jay, are away at a basketball game with their father today so unfortunately they can't join us, however they send their apologies."  
"And we send our well wishes to them." Josh smiled, a wide smile, a genuine smile.

"Thank you. So I'll just finish cooking the pasta and then we can all sit down and eat, will be about 10 minutes. Zack, would you like to show out guests around?" Mom suggested, presuming Tyler wasn't feeling up to it.   
"I, um, I can show you the garden? S-since it's, uh, since it's sunny?" Tyler tried to say bravely.   
"Oh that's a wonderful idea Tyler, well done baby."  
"Yeah that sounds nice." Josh agreed, and he felt strangely proud of himself?

"This way."  
"Aww is this you?" Debby stopped on the walk towards the back door, and Tyler took 4 carefully placed steps back to her and where she was pointing at a baby picture of him on the wall.   
"Yeh that's me,"  
"Aw cute."  
"I like your jumper." Josh commented and Tyler smiled.   
"My gran made it." He told them quietly, then carried on back towards the back door and hoped that they were following. The handle was a little stiff but he pushed it then stepped down onto the patio and carefully jumped across the crack so he was on the safety of the grass.

"A slide?? I love slides!" Debby said excitedly then ran up the wooden ladder of the climbing frame. There was a central fort which the ladder led to, as well as a small rock climbing wall, then the third side had a wavy slide, whereas the fourth side stretched out to support the frame of two wooden swings. It was play equipment meant for the little ones, but Debby was more than amused as her copper hair flew behind her and a grin framed her face.

Tyler watched shyly as Josh jogged to the bottom of the slide and helped her up, then kissed her. They looked so happy and content. She ran to the ladder again and Josh laughed, meanwhile Tyler walked a precise route over to the left swing and sat down tentatively. He snaked his hands around the ropes and pushed gently, not enough for his feet to leave the safety of the ground.

He looked over and saw that Josh had followed Debby up to the top of the slide and the couple were attempting to both go down simultaneously, Josh wrapping his arms and legs around her. They both squealed then landed in a heap of giggles on the ground. When they stood up, Debby moved to sit opposite the swings on the grass and Josh took the spare swing next to Tyler.

"Gah, it's been too long since I last went on a slide." Josh sighed.   
"I second that," Debby laughed as she tightened her ponytail again. "This is for your siblings right Ty? Jay and Maddy?"  
"Yeh,"  
"How old are they?"  
"7 and 11."  
"Aww they're nice ages,"  
"My little sister Abi is 7 too, maybe they could be friends?"  
"Maybe." Tyler nodded unsure.   
"But they're playing basketball?"  
"Yeh,"  
"Just like their big bro hey." Josh reached across the two swings and hit his arm playfully. Tyler hated physical contact and flinched away, but quickly recognised that it was habit and not fear for a change. He didn't fear Josh's touch.

 

 

"This look delicious Mrs Joseph." Josh told her truthfully as he carried the big bowl full of Bolognese over to the table for her and placed it next to the bowl of spaghetti. He noticed how Tyler's food had already been served before they'd all been called in, but knew not to comment on it. It was clear that the guy was obviously very nervous about the meal and he doubted that questioning him over something pointless was a good idea.

"Oh bless you darling, it's Tyler's grandma's recipe." The mother smiled as she sat down, and Josh did the same. Tyler was on the end of the rectangular table but Josh was round the corner to him and next to his girlfriend, and felt very happy.  
"I'm really hungry, can I have loads please?" Zack requested and she nodded as she picked up a bowl for him and filled it with a mixture of pasta and sauce, then passed it to him. "Thanks,"  
"Debby?"  
"A little less than that thank you."  
"Of course." Mrs Joseph nodded as she made up the bowl then gave it to her.   
"Great, thanks,"  
"And you Josh?"  
"Same as Zack looks about right thank you Mrs Joseph."  
"Absolutely, growing boy like you." She filled the bowl up and Josh smiled as he took it from her.  
"Wow, thank you."

"I don't know about you two, but we take grace in this household."  
"Yes we absolutely do." Josh nodded.   
"Well would you like to lead it Josh?"  
"I'd love that thank you," he was honoured, then instinctively reached across and took Debby and Tyler's hands. Debby squeezed back but Tyler snatched his hand away and started hyperventilating.

"Tyler, Tyler sweetheart, you can hold your own hands if you want." His mother soothed him and he nodded, gripping himself tightly as she extended her hand towards Josh. Josh took it, and she mouthed a little quietly. "Ty's not a big fan of touching."  
"That's okay, sorry,"  
"Don't worry, shall we just move on to grace?"   
"Of course." Josh closed his eyes. "Bless, O Lord, this food to our use and us to thy service, and keep us ever mindful of the needs of others. In Jesus' Name, Amen."  
"Amen." Everyone except Tyler echoed back. Josh couldn't help but look up at the host who was still gripping his own hands with white knuckles, and seemed to be zoned out and listening to something other than the words Josh had blessed the meal with. He did that a lot in school too, especially when in crowds, and Josh didn't fully know why, but he believed that he would confide in him once he trusted him, and trust wasn't built using pressure.

"So, Debby, Josh, how long have you two been together?" Mrs Joseph asked as they all tucked into the pasta.   
"About 18 months now," Debby smiled.   
"Oh wow,"  
"But we've been best friends since before we could crawl." Josh told her proudly. "We live opposite each other, our houses are right across the street."  
"Basically I can never get away from this guy." His girlfriend teased, bumping him playfully. She'd hit a bruise but Josh forced himself not to show pain. He was used to it. "Which is why it's nice to have Ty around, makes a change from all of Josh's boring stories."   
"You love my stories."  
"I did the first 19000 times."  
"You guys are sweet." Mrs Joseph said with a smile, and Debby grinned across at Josh happily.   
"Thank you,"

"How old are you Zack?" Debby asked.   
"15,"  
"My brother Chase is 15, sophomore year, want me to introduce you guys?"  
"I think he's in my music class, thanks though,"  
"Tyler takes music, don't you darling?" The mother tried to engage her son in the conversation but he simply nodded, maintaining eye contact with his untouched bowl.   
"Yeah we're in his class, and I have to say that you're amazing Tyler, honestly amazing."  
"See I told you baby, I don't just say that because I'm your mother, it's the truth. You truly are gifted."  
"Eh," Tyler made his first noise since sitting down.

"Do you wanna play for us after dinner baby?"  
"No,"  
"In the bible Peter says each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms." Josh shared with the group. "Although, obviously you don't have to if you don't want to."  
"Are you involved heavily with the church then Josh?" Mrs Joseph moved the conversation on and left Tyler to keep staring at his food.   
"I have surrendered my life totally and irrevocably to our Lord Jesus Christ,"  
"Oh, well isn't that nice,"  
"I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God -- which is your spiritual worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:1."  
"You've got quite a memory on you there." She laughed but Josh faked a smile. Memory hadn't come naturally to him, his mother had used other techniques to firmly embed the words into his mind.

"So is that your plan after school Josh? Work in the church?"  
"No Ma'am, I hope to become a missionary and travel abroad to spread the word of His glory before returning home to study law."  
"Ooh law hey? That's an interesting choice. How about you Debby?"  
"I'm looking into journalism at the moment."  
"Wow okay, that's fascinating, you'll have to talk about it to Ty sometime. He's not so sure about what he wants at the moment but he's very good at English and very good at music. How about journalism darling?" She suggested. Everyone turned to look at him and awaited his response and for a while he simply wrung his hands, then his eyes flicked up and clocked onto their stares, and Josh could see the panic in his eyes before he even moved. His chair scratched on the ground as he stood up and ran out.

"Fuck sake."  
"Zackary." Mrs Joseph warned as she stood up too. "I'm sorry about this, Tyler, he just panics sometimes-"  
"Mrs Joseph we understand, you can go to him." Debby reassured her and she smiled then rushed out in the same direction as her son.

"I'm sorry about him." Zack said, finishing his spaghetti astoundingly quickly.   
"Oh don't apologise, it's okay." Debby told him.   
"He just, I dunno, I don't understand it, he just freaks the fuck out over nothing. It happened everyday back home and now we've moved halfway across the city just for it to happen twice as much."  
"Has he got a diagnosis? Anxiety?"  
"Nope. Mom just insists that he is the way he is because of bullying."  
"He was bullied?" Josh asked horrified.   
"Nope, just Mom's reasoning with herself." Zack sighed. "God knows how he didn't, but he didn't. Everyone called him Casper, you know, like the ghost? Because he'd never say anything or do anything so people started this rumour that he was a ghost who couldn't impact our dimension, some shit like that. I dunno, all I know is he never got hit so he's got no reason to flinch the way he does."  
"Right." Debby nodded politely but it didn't quite fit right with Josh.   
"I think there must be a reason, even if we don't understand it. Maybe it's not a reason we can see or whatever, but just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not real. He's got his reasons, I'm sure of it, and sometimes you just have to trust someone that they're doing their best in spite of the circumstances."

 

 

  
"Hey, can I come in?" Josh knocked on Tyler's door with his knuckle and waited for a reply. "Ty? It's just me, it's just Josh."  
"Ok," a small voice called from within and Josh pushed the door open and entered the bedroom.

He wasn't sure whether the room was yet to be decorated because the family had only been living there a month, or whether the minimalistic and plain style was what Tyler liked. Either way, the room was spotless and Tyler was quick to be found, hugging his knees and curled up on the floor under the window.

"You missed dessert, your mom made meringues." Josh told him, sitting next to him on the floor. "And now she's showing Debby her crochet patterns to see if there's any she wants to borrow since they both discovered that the other is mad over it. Then I think Debs and I are gonna head off home after that."  
"I'm, uh, I'm, I'm sorry I couldn't, you know, eat with you guys." Tyler picked at the carpet sadly.   
"That's okay bud, 2 Timothy 2:15, do your best to present yourself to God as an approved worker who has nothing to be ashamed of, handling the word of truth with precision." Josh recited one of his favourite scriptures.

"I think I, uh, I bit off more than I can chew, which is ironic since I didn't eat, but yeah,"  
"Your mom saved your pasta so you can have it once we're gone, and once we are gone Ty I don't want you to get upset with yourself, okay? You did really well."  
"I didn't."  
"Yes you did. You were really nervous about today and yet you managed to be a great host - you should be proud of yourself,"  
"It's just so hard," Tyler's face scrunched up like he might be about to cry, and Josh instinctively wrapped his arm around his shoulder, momentarily forgetting Tyler's hatred of touch. But just when he was about to apologetically remove it, Tyler slid sideways and curled up against Josh's chest like a hug, and Josh pulled him tighter.

"It's okay Ty, you don't need to get upset, it's just lunch."  
"I couldn't even manage the actual lunch though!" He exclaimed tearfully.   
"Baby steps, you'll get there, and hey, you did loads of brave things today. You let us come into your house, you introduced us to your family, you went out in the garden with us, and you took grace with us. Considering we were strangers 3 weeks ago, that takes a lot of bravery."  
"Other people don't have to be brave to do stuff like that."  
"Proverbs 28:1, the wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are bold as a lion." Josh murmured slowly and supportively. "Today you were a lion."  
"I fled."  
"No, you did what you needed to do to look after yourself, and that takes a lot of strength."  
"I don't feel strong."  
"Doesn't mean you aren't."

"When does this get easier Josh?"  
"It doesn't get easier, you just get stronger and stronger until you're brave enough and courageous enough to repent for your sin."  
"Sin?" Tyler looked up at him with tears in his eyes and down his cheeks.   
"Yes, sin. And it's okay Tyler, I won't abandon you in your hour of need. James 5:20, remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins. It would be an honour for me to help you."  
"I, I, I don't understand,"  
"Josh." Debby's voice warned, and he looked up and saw her stood in the doorframe. "Remember what we said?"

Josh let out a sigh because he did remember, he just didn't necessarily agree. Debby insisted that it wasn't Josh's place to tell Tyler that his homosexuality was a burden that he could be cured of if only he opened his heart to Jesus. Of course he protested, wanting to help his friend, but Debby was stubborn in the fact that it wasn't Josh's fight.

"What sin?" Tyler asked again.   
"Nothing darling, don't worry. Are you feeling any better?" Debby relaxed as she walked into the room.   
"I, I, yeh, kinda," he sniffed, lifting his head up from Josh's chest and wiping his face with his sleeve. "I'm really sorry Debby,"  
"Sorry? For what Tyler?" Debby asked, looking at Josh with slight anger, blaming him.   
"For freaking out over pasta."   
"Oh that's okay sweetie. Today's been lots of firsts for you and it's understandable to get anxious about it."

"Ty baby? Oh, oh thank you guys. Ty, do you wanna come with me a second?" Kelly appeared at the door too, and Tyler sniffed and nodded then left Josh's embrace and timidly walked over to his Mom, sweater paws by his side.   
"We'll head off in a minute I think Mrs Joseph." Debby told her.   
"Okay darling, let me just talk to Ty in private and then we'll say a proper goodbye, yeah? Meet you in the kitchen in a couple of minutes?"  
"Okay." She nodded and the mother and son left the two guests in the bedroom alone.

Josh missed the warmth that Tyler's small body provided against his side, but simply rearranged his jacket ever so slightly then stood up. His phone fell out of his pocket so he leant down to pick it up, and noticed a spot of red blood on the carpet.

"Shit,"  
"What is it?" Debby asked.   
"I haven't bled through have I?" He panicked, lifting up his shirt and showing her the bottom of his back. His mother hadn't been happy that he'd only given her a day's warning before announcing he was going to Tyler's, and had used the belt buckle.

"You did ice this, didn't you babe? Like I said?"  
"For a bit. Mother caught me and took the pack off me."  
"Right." She sighed, gently touching the swelling around the wound.   
"Is it bleeding?"  
"Weeping ever so slightly, clear liquid, not enough to show up on your shirt."  
"Oh,"  
"Why?"  
"There's some blood on the floor. Must be Tyler's." He let out a deep breath, realising what exactly had most likely caused the stain. From the look on Debby's face, she knew too. Neither of them said anything, then both of them started speaking at the same time.

"He did-"  
"I spoke-"  
"Sorry, go on, what were you gonna say Princess?" Josh said.   
"I spoke to him yesterday, you know, about how scared he got at the pep rally?"  
"What did he say?"  
"He didn't really wanna talk, just said he was really grateful that we took him out to calm down and he's sorry we missed it because of him."  
"But he was okay?"  
"I think so." She nodded.

"I was only gonna say that he did really well, having us here and everything."  
"Yeah definitely, I'm really proud of him."  
"Me too." Josh smiled honestly. "I'm gonna tell him that."  
"I think he'll love that." She walked over and kissed him gently on the lips.

"And thank you,"  
"For what?" He asked, kissing her again.   
"For holding your tongue about sexuality and sin. I know you're itching to help him because that's just who you are, but you did the right thing."  
"It's hard because I know the right thing for him is just to confess, you know? Like I'll take him to the church, introduce him to the brothers, help him beg for forgiveness and cleanse himself. But at the same time, that extreme level of sin, that's gonna be a brutal process trying to expel those demons, that's, that's gonna tear him apart, you know? And part of me, it just, a small part, it just doesn't want to see him go through that, part of me wants to nurture the growing confidence in him rather than rip him down to his core."

"You don't want to hurt him, you just want to make his life better," Debby summarised perfectly, thumb stroking his jaw softly as his arms found their way to her hips.   
"Hopefully, I mean, I don't know if I'm overestimating my importance, but I feel like maybe I can make a difference? Even a tiny one?"  
"I'm sure you will J, I'm sure you will."


End file.
